September 26, 2016

HAPPINESS IN ABUNDANCE

 

September 26, 2016

 

I believe happiness is when one can sit still and feel nothing but peace.  Peace in their life, peace in their spirit, peace in their soul.  It takes a while to achieve true happiness but when you achieve it you, guard it with your life because it is extremely precious and not worth letting go for anyone or anything.

 

Life is very fast paced and busy and its easy to lose track of what are the most important things in life but when we are still, we have a chance to hear the noise in our life.  The noise in your life can be drama; things that make you uncomfortable and holding onto people who no longer serve a purpose in your life.

 

DRAMA – Drama makes you extremely uncomfortable. It is usually loud, chaotic, unruly and truly serves no purpose.  It’s arguments, disagreements and most of all stubbornness and an unwillingness to compromise.  There are people with certain energies that thrive off of drama.  Negativity feeds their soul.  These people are usually very negative.  Nothing is ever going great and everyone is out to get them.  These people are what people call “Negative Nelly’s”.  Always finding the bad in every situation and looking for conflict in all interactions.  I personally have no time for these types of people.  After doing a self inventory I found that I had quite a bit of Negative Nelly’s in my circle.  Most of them being family.  After a lot of thinking and prayer I was able to realize that although these people are my family and are not going anywhere, they didn’t have to be a daily player in my everyday life.  I can love them from a distance and choose to only interact with them when I chose to.

 

UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS – These situations are usually not planned and can come as a surprise leaving us vulnerable and open to react in a way that conflicts with our character.  The most important thing here is that we can learn  how to respond positively to these situations.  Not every action requires a reaction.  As mature adults we can see situations going south or conflicts brewing and we can choose to walk away and eliminate ourselves from the situation.  In most cases, these conflicts are created by a “Negative Nelly”. That person who is not willing to compromise or a person who wants to argue down a point until you submit and agree.  I find that in these situations its easier to concede than to engage.  It requires a lot of strength on the part of the conceder (if that’s a word lol) but it is possible.  We can say, “I’m sorry you feel that way” or ” I think its best that we agree to disagree” or simply, “I see that we don’t agree so I am chosing not to continue this conversation”.  When we can safely determine when these situations might arise we will find ourselves happier that we took the high road than stoop to the level of the negativity.

 

HOLDING ONTO PEOPLE WITH NO PURPOSE – This is the toughest one of all.  Even figuring out who these people are can be tough.  I found that when I analyzed my life and daily interactions, I made a list and asked myself, Who do I need to speak to daily ? (Meaning, who do I need to speak to or I become unhappy) and see daily (meaning if I didn’t see them I wouldn’t be happy), I then wrote those names down.  Then I made a list of people in my circle that I felt made me uncomfortable in any way.  It could have been an action, something they said or simply you don’t feel that these people are being truthful about their reason for having you in their life.

 

You see just because you feel a certain way and you know why a friend or family member is in your circle does NOT mean that person holds you in the same regard.  Most times these people do not regard you at all and are only in your life for whatever purpose pleases them.  You find yourself holding onto these people because of guilt, you feel you owe them something or need to repay them for a good deed.  Or they only have you there because you are a positive person and after 1 interaction with them, they suck the life out of you.  You find yourself exhausted or uninterested in their company.  These people are the people with no purpose, meaning you have simply outgrown them.  They did not do anything wrong pur se but you are no longer comfortable in their presence.

 

This is a hard one to accept but is actually a step I just recently undertook.  I went through all of my social media and deleted all of those people, I blocked others from my phone and cut off all communication completely.  I know that this might seem harsh but at the end of the day my HAPPINESS is most important so living in that decision has been so uplifting and freeing.  I no longer have to worry about pleasing anyone but myself.  I wake up to positive news feeds on my social media of my favorite people and I receive texts and calls from those people I actually want to hear from.

 

It took me a long time to realize this but I am a much happier person because of it.  I have the amazing blessing of waking up to my wonderful husband everyday.  Being a mother to 3 spectacular children who make me so proud to be their momma and after not being able to have anymore kids of my own, being blessed with the title of “Bonus (Step) Mom to 6 amazing “Bonus” kids and 3 gorgeous “Bonus granddaughters”.  I have daily communication with my 2 sisters and get to see videos and photos of my nieces and nephews and right now, In this moment, I am completely content. My happiness is in abundance🙂

 

Happiness in Abundance

 

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MY SOUL SISTERS….

 

February 21, 2016

 

God blessed me with 1 biological sister who I grew up with who was my best friend growing up because we had each other to experience life with.  I was also blessed with a cousin 1 year in between my sister and I that lived with us from time to time because my parents stepped in to help raise her.  She is my “Prima-Hermana” which translates to cousin-sister.  She is also considered my biological sister in my eyes because we have the same blood and we have a close relationship as well.  My sisters are my foundation because without them I wouldn’t have “Family” and that is what is most important in life.

 

I was also blessed with 3 girlfriends who I call my “Soul Sisters”. These women are my friends who have become sisters to me because of the intimate relationship we share.  We can feel when each other are having a bad time and are also always there so share each others joys.  The biggest blessing of them all is that these women, even though they are my friends and met through me, they all get along well together too and can thoroughly enjoy each others company.  For example, when I was going through a hard time in 2014 and was up at 3am on Facebook because I was crying an couldn’t sleep, one of my soul sisters Facebook messaged me.  She was also up because she could not sleep and decided to message me.  We were up until 4:30am just messaging back and forth.  She says that she felt uncomfortable and had me on her heart so she decided to login to Facebook to send me a message and there I was.

 

Now two of my soul sisters are going through rough times in life and my heart breaks.  These women who have been strong for me through my toughest times are now going through it themselves.  I know that life has its ups and downs as I am still recovering from my downs but I will always keep these women in prayer.  They are truly my sisters that I chose that God surely put in my life to be my sisters and I thank God for them everyday !

 

My Soul Sisters….

 

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BE AN EAR TO YOUR KIDS WITH NO CONSEQUENCES…

 

August 20, 2015

 

Society says that you should find a man, get married and then have children.  That is what I was taught as a little girl and what I heard growing up but when I became a teenager all of a sudden that kind of went away.  Of course I wanted the dream wedding and wanted to marry prince charming but when you grow up in a hood that I did, you grow up way too fast. You are exposed to too many things when you are too young to comprehend the consequences.  You confide in people who run and tell your business and overall are left to make decisions that you are not ready to make.

 

One thing I told myself when I first became a mom is that I wanted to have an open relationship with my kids.  I want my kids to tell me everything and to talk to me about anything and everything.  I didn’t have that kind of relationship with my parents.  My parents were strict so I hid everything from them.  So much that I know that if I would have told them most of my issues as a kid they would have helped me and prevented me from facing certain traumatic experiences in my life.  I made a lot of dumb decisions and put myself in situations that I can only laugh at now but as a mom I cringe at the thought of if that were my daughter.

 

I have 2 sons and a daughter.  I pride myself on having healthy relationships with them. They share everything with me.  I am so proud of that.  I constantly reassured them while I was raising them that they can tell me things with no consequences, meaning that if they confided in me and told me something they were going through or thought of doing, I wouldn’t get mad and we would have a conversation about it.  I see so many kids going through a rough time and making bad decisions and I just think to myself “Tell Someone!”

 

This doesn’t just relate to my children, I also have many of what I call adopted babies. These are my friends kids or friends of my kids who confide in me and share things with me that they do not feel comfortable telling their parents and I pride myself on being able to provide good sound advice to them.

 

Kids growing up nowadays need guidance, they need structure and most of all they need strong, valuable, positive influences that will guide them and help them make smart educated decisions.  It takes a village !

 

Be an Ear to your Kids with no consequences…

 

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1/2 WAY MARK, CHECK-IN :)

 

August 9, 2015

 

I started this blog in January 2015 and as some of you know, 2014 was a horrendous year for me.  My sister Norma encouraged me to start keeping a journal.  I found that journaling (is that a word LOL)  was my version of therapy.  It was my way of getting my feelings off my head and heart and putting them on paper.  I would then revisit that journal to mark my growth and to see how far I’ve come in my personal journey.  My original journal is only 1/2 way filled because I met and fell in love with my fiancé and really had nothing else to write after that because I was so happy all the time LOL.

 

I had it heavy on my heart to write a blog post tonight so I decided to pick up my lap top and type away.  Blogging is so freeing for me because it gives me a chance to communicate my feelings in a positive way.  It also allows other women, parents, moms, etc.  to see that they are not the only one going through life and the ups and downs it brings.

 

I started reading from my first post and read it completely until today and I have so much to report🙂

 

That maintenance company I mentioned exists and has been in business for 5 months.  It is doing extremely well and were even able to purchase a work vehicle cash.  We have a business plan and marketing plan and hope to double it in size by this time next year.

My fiancé is now a licensed contractor and I am a licensed Real Estate Agent.

I have created my management company and have started marketing it to solicit new clients.

I have teamed up with my best friend and we created an event planning / home staging / interior design company.

What a tremendous whirlwind of a year 2015 has been and it is only August.  I am so determined to make these companies successful so I can leave a legacy for my family.  Remember that “entrepreneurial itch” I mentioned in my earlier post “The Grind” ???  Helllluuurrrr !  God surely was working behind the scenes in my life and has blessed me with not 1 but 4 businesses.  I am incredibly happy and excited and my new goal is to completely work for myself by the end of 2016.

 

“Here’s to Life and God’s Unbelievable Blessings” !🙂

 

1/2 Way Mark, Check-In :)

 

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MY BABY IS LEAVING….

 

August 9, 2015

 

Ever since I was little I always wanted to be a “Mommy”.  My mom and dad would ask me, “Jenny, what do you want to be when you grow up ?”  I always answered ” A Mommy”.  Giving birth to each one of my 3 kids were the best days of my life.  I focused my entire life on raising them and making sure, they were healthy and had all their wants and needs.  As a mom, your main objective is to raise your children so that they can be a positive, contributing part of society.  Since I was raised in a different manner, I chose to make my life’s focus my kids and my dream was for them to graduate High School and go to College.

 

My oldest son graduated high school and went on to Frostburg State University to play Football at a D3 level.  Watching him graduate was one of the proudest moments of my life.  Moving him to college was one of the saddest.  As a mom I felt like I was giving my baby to the world.  I couldn’t see him everyday, I couldn’t watch him grow and I was 2 1/2 hours away from him.  After 2 months he came back home and went to Community College and eventually decided to postpone college and work full time.  You see, his making it to college fulfilled my dreams, his staying there would have fulfilled his.  Although this decision was a hard one for him, at the end of the day, he will always be my son and can never disappoint me.  He handled that decision with grace and is a stronger man because of it and I couldn’t be prouder of him.

 

Now my middle child, my baby boy has accomplished the same goal.  He just graduated High School in June and will be leaving in 3 weeks to attend Old Dominion University to obtain his MBA (Masters of Business Administration).  So I find myself for the second time having the same bittersweet feeling.  I am starting to pack up his belongings and buy everything he needs to move 4 hours away from me.  I find myself again having that heart wrenching feeling of not being able to see him everyday, not being able to watch him grow, knowing that when I do see him again he would have matured and developed more into his manhood and become more independent.  Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly proud of his accomplishments and his acceptance into a D1 school as that is a mighty feat.  However as his “Mommy” I will miss my baby boy.

 

You see, I don’t think there is a way to prep Mom’s for this.  When you first find out you are pregnant, there are books, websites and articles that help explain your pregnancy or even after you have the baby, books that explain how your baby grows but there are no books, articles or websites that I have come across that say, you know what mom ?  This right here, this feeling sucks BUT you will be ok and you have to allow your babies to grow on their own so that they can become the responsible, positive contributors to society like your main goal was in the first place.

 

I have one child left, my daughter, who will be attending 8th grade, which is her last year of middle school.  She will be a high school freshman Fall of 2016 and I look at all 3 of my kids and I think, where did the time go ?  All 3 of my kids were just 3 years old yesterday and I blinked and now they are adults / teen and I can’t be any prouder.  My kids are truly my world and whether they realize it or not I am and always will be their biggest FAN.

 

“To My RJ – Although my heart breaks because I will miss your face, I am so proud of the man you have become.  Reach for the Moon because even if you fall, you will land amongst the stars”❤ Mom

 

My Baby is Leaving….

 

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THE GRIND !

 

March 29, 2015

 

If you have read my other posts then you would know that I have had a huge entrepreneurial itch since January 1, 2015. I’ve tried to figure out which direction I should go and have decided to stick with my trade field and open a maintenance and property management company.

 

My fiancé has been studying to take his contractors license exam and I have enrolled in real estate classes and will be taking my real estate state exam soon.  This month has been the month of no rest. You see my fiancé and I have a combined 9 kids and a granddaughter that keep us insanely busy and I have my father that lives with me and my grandfather who suffers from Alzheimer’s disease who I am the primary caregiver for.

 

It has been a rough crazy month but it is almost over. My fiancé and I both have our licensing exams next week and with the grace of God we will successfully pass them. You see with our crazy hectic lives we could have said we can’t get our licenses, we don’t have time or I will never pass that test or every other excuse you can think of but in the face of adversity you have to push through.

 

What you realize is that you can do it, why can’t you. Yes the struggle is rough and sleep is a temporary memory but when it is all said and done you have a tremendous sense of accomplishment and feel like you can take over the world.

 

The grind is just that, having a vision and pushing through until you reach it. I am happy to announce that the maintenance division of our company is up and running as of January 2015 and business is coming in. I am hoping that the management side can be running by the end of the year.

 

We do this not for us but for our children. Isn’t the purpose in life to leave a legacy for your kids to enjoy and benefit from ? That is what fuels our strength and that for right now is …..The Grind our Grind !!

 

The Grind !

 

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LA SANGRE LLAMA …. (THE FAMILY BLOOD CALLS)

 

March 3, 2015

 

My mom was the only surviving child my grandparents had. My uncle her brother was murdered in 1985. She on her own had to care for them and as they got older was their primary caregiver. She took care of all of there needs and when they got to the point that they couldn’t care for themselves she took them in and they lived with her. Her parents were always her priority. She made sure there bills were paid and they made every doctors appointment. I would often see her tired and overwhelmed and would ask what’s wrong. She always was strong and said I’m the only one they have so its my job to make sure they are ok.

 

My mom fell ill March of 2012 and fought a hard battle with cancer that she initially won. When she fell ill I took the reigns and helped with my grandparents. It was my job as my mothers daughter to help her get better and help them get around. My mom passed away from Bladder Cancer in March of 2014. She was only 60 years old and left us too soon. All of a sudden my grandparents had no one to care for them since both of their children had passed away. I remember my Grandmother said to me at my mom’s funeral, “We are now orphans with no one to take care of us.” And I said, “Well I don’t have a mommy anymore so I can take care of you and you can be my new mommy.”

 

I decided to move them in with me in July of 2014 so that I can watch them and care for them. My grandparents were 84 & 89 years old. Shortly after they moved in my grandmother became very ill and eventually passed away from ovarian cancer. In a matter of 6 months I lost both mother figures in my life to cancer. I cared for both of them from the first date of diagnosis to the day of their death. Now I am left with my 89 year old Grandfather who suffers from Dimensia (early onset Alzheimer’s). He has now become terminal and I am caring for him 24/7. I have to administer IV antibiotics 3 times a day and care for him around the clock by making sure he eats, bathes,etc.

 

I am a single mom of 3 and also have my Dad who I have to care for also since my mom passed. I also have a fiancé and 5 stepchildren. My life is busy at best with no time to rest. I often find myself overwhelmed asking myself why me ? Why do I have to deal with all of this loss, this heartache, this responsibility of having to care for my loved ones until their death. I then soon realized why not me ? God gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers. I do not know right now why this is all happening and why I have to deal with it all first hand but I know that the Lord my God will uncover it for me soon. I have had an overwhelming feeling of success starting 2015 and I feel that a huge blessing is about unfold and I will be ready to face it because I will be strong enough to handle it.

 

For everyone else out there in my position, hold tight. God chose you for this amazing task because you are worthy, you are strong and you can do it. The temporary storm will soon fade and the amazing blessing is right around the corner. Don’t loose faith !

 

La Sangre Llama …. (The family blood calls)

 

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TRANSITION FROM BABIES TO ADULTS…

 

March 1, 2015

 

Being a single mom means that all of the needs of your children, all of the disciplining comes from you and financially, you bare the expense of raising them.  You are so excited when you first find out you are pregnant because the thought of having a baby is exciting.  Your own little person to love that will look and act like you and your mate.  In my circumstance an extension of me and my husbands love.  No one tells you that it requires all of your time and energy and as a new mom you become exhausted fast because you soon realize that you live for that child.  Don’t get me wrong, I live for being a mom and have enjoyed raising my 20, 18 and 12 year old children.  I adore my kids and can not picture my life without them.

 

There are plenty of books on the market that help you and give advice on how to raise children, how to deal with colic babies and the terrible twos but what I have realized is that when those children become adults, the transition to adulthood is hard.  This is a transition that I have found is most difficult because as a mom you have to give up control.  While your children are young, you control their every move, what they eat, what they wear, who they hang out with, etc. When they turn 18 they fight so hard for their adulthood that they constantly want to debate, they think they know everything.  I never was 18 before so what do I know ? LOL

 

What I do know is that you have to let your children live, make their own decisions and become their own person.  Its hard to step back and allow them to make the same mistakes you did but all you can do as the parent of an adult is to support them and their decisions.  Celebrate their highs and give them a hug when they have hit their lows.  Sooner or later they will find their stride and be another member of our society.

 

All I want to do most times is cradle them to sleep and turn back the hands of time but the reality is they are now adults and I have to let go.  My kids are great and make me very proud.  I am preparing for my 18 year old to graduate high school and go to college in the fall.  This is the 2nd time for me and I know it will not be easier than the first time.

 

Transition from Babies to Adults…

 

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AMBASSADOR OF YOUR OWN HAPPINESS :)

 

January 5, 2015

 

I have learned through my growth that only you can make YOU happy. No one else can do it no matter how hard they try. Over the years I have noticed that I have put the key to my happiness in everyone else’s pocket. When you put your key in other peoples pocket they act with their own personal agenda first and your happiness does not have high priority for them as it would for you. You find yourself trying to make everyone else happy and your own happiness becomes secondary. This has been a tough lesson to learn for me.

 

You also set up expectations on how those people should act or treat your “key”, you often think, “Well if they really love me they would _____.” Or “We’ve been together how long and you don’t know that I don’t enjoy doing ____.” Your expectations tell you that they should know better but in reality you are setting yourself up to fail. They are not mind readers. They do not know what makes you truly happy. Only you are the one who knows exactly what makes you tick. So you need to speak up. Tell your loved ones or your “key holders” exactly what makes you happy and if you find yourself doing something you don’t enjoy then again, speak up. Put your foot down and let everyone know how you feel.

 

I have unfortunately been the victim of not being my own happiness advocate. Letting everyone else do whatever they want with my life and as long as they were happy I was happy. I found that after years of succumbing to others peoples happiness, I myself was truly unhappy. Actually when the time came and I found myself alone, I discovered that I was bored and didn’t know or couldn’t remember what really made me happy. That was when I decided enough was enough.

 

Today I am the Ambassador of my own Happiness and I do what makes me happy first before anything else. Today I hold my own key and guard it with my life and guess what ? I am happier for it🙂

 

Ambassador of your own Happiness :)

I SURVIVED ! SO FAR……

 

January 4, 2015 jlomami3inspirational, motivational, self help9 Comments

I Survived!  It’s 2015 and I am still alive.  I am breathing, I am alive, I am in love and life is slowly starting to get better.  What did I survive you ask?  I survived the horrific year that was 2014.  You see, 2014 was a year of horrific loss.  I would say probably the worst year of my life to date and I have been blessed with 38 of those.

 

I have been fortunate in life with not having too much tragedy or significant trauma happen to me.  Yes, I have had friends and family members get sick and yes, some have passed away but never someone so close.  Never someone who I had a very deep intimate relationship with.  Never someone who knew the childhood me and watched me grow up into the adult me.

 

But 2014?  2014 was the year, the year of epic loss on the highest of levels.  The year I thought would take me down with it.  I am usually a very positive person who works very hard at seeing the glass half full.  A person who my friends can confide in to give them the “umph” they need to keep going but I almost didn’t think I would make it out of 2014 alive…

 

In 2014 I lost!  I lost my 19 year marriage, I lost my mom to bladder cancer, I lost my (maternal) grandmother to ovarian cancer and I lost a baby to an ectopic pregnancy.  Cant believe it right?  but this is my reality.

 

My only New Years resolution this year was to get myself out of my depression and focus on becoming a better me.  I hate to call it a resolution because resolutions can become superficial and mean nothing but this is my personal goal for 2015.  First step is to work on my mental.  Working on kicking this depression by blogging and reading a self-help book every month.  I just finished reading, “Queen of your own Life”, by Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff.  It was truly a great read and one that motivated me to write this post you are reading right now.

 

I declare that 2015 will be my year!  I will focus on my family first and foremost and making my goals and dreams come to fruition both personally and professionally, So says the Queen, All Hail the Queen!  (have to read the book to get it LOL)